Tuesday, December 21, 2010

"I Just Had Sex" Lyrics (The Lonely Island)

Here are the lyrics originally written by Adam Rap. Refinement pass by us. Leave a comment if you have any more refinements! Thanks to Anony for submitting the two new corrections we made(see the comments).


An SNL Digital Short: I Just Had Sex

.....Andy Samberg
.....Jorma Taccone
.....Akiva Schaffer
.....Blake Lively
.....Jessica alba
.....John McEnroe

[Exterior: Opens to Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akon standing on a platform with New York City in the background]


Andy Samberg: Sometimes, something beautiful happens in this world...

Akon: Akon!

Andy Samberg: And you don't know how to express yourself, so...

Akon: And Lonely Island!

Andy Samberg: You just gotta sing.

Akon: I just had sex
and it felt so good.
A woman let me put my pen*s inside of her.
I just had sex
and I'll never go back
to the not-having-sex ways of the past.

Andy Samberg: Have you ever had sex?
I have; it felt great.
It felt so good when I did it with my pen*s.
A girl let me do it.
It literally just happened.

[Shows Blake Lively covering up after sex with Andy Samberg]

Andy Samberg: Having sex can make a nice man of the meanest.

[Cuts to "before" and "after" sex pictures of John McEnroe]

Jorma Taccone: Guess where I just came from.
I had sex.
If I had to describe the feeling,
it was the best!

[Jorma gives a thumbs up as Jessica Alba gives a thumbs down]

Jorma Taccone: When I had the sex,
man my pen*s felt great,
and I called my parents right after I was done.

[Shows Jorma hugging his parents]

[Samberg comes out of a restroom]

Andy Samberg: Oh hey, didn't see you there.
Guess what I just did.
Had sex... undressed,
saw her bo*bies and the rest.

[Samberg does hand motions of squeezing bo*bies while Blake gives him a look of disgust and disbelief]

Jorma Taccone: Was sure... nice of her...
to let you do that thing.

Andy Samberg: Nice of any girl ever.

Jorma Taccone: Now sing.

Akon: I just had sex,
and it felt so good.
A woman let me put my pen*s inside of her.
I wanna tell the world...

Andy Samberg: To be honest,
I'm surprised...
she even wanted me...
to do it.

Jorma Taccone: Doesn't really make sense,
but man, screw it.
I'm not really one to argue with a good thing.

Andy Samberg: She could be my wife.

Jorma Taccone: That good?

Andy Samberg: The best thirty seconds of my life.

Jorma Taccone: I'm so humbled by a girl's ability to let me do her.

Andy Samberg: 'Cause honestly I'd have sex with a pile of manure.

[Shows Andy Samberg in bed with a pile of manure]

Andy Samberg: With that in mind...
a soft, nice smellin' girls better.

Jorma Taccone: Plus she let me wear my chain and my turtleneck sweater.

[Jessica Alba is weirded out by Jorma in his chain and blue turtleneck sweater.]

Akon: So this one's dedicated...
to them girls...
that let us flop around on top of them.
If you're near or far,
whether short or tall,
we wanna thank you all...
for lettin' us f*** you.

Jorma Taccone: She kept looking at her watch.

Akon: Doesn't matter; had sex.

Andy Samberg: But I cried the whole time.

Akon: Doesn't matter; had sex.

Jorma Taccone: I think she might have been a racist.

Akon: Doesn't matter, you had sex.

Andy Samberg: She put a bag on my head.

Akon: Still counts!
I just had sex...

[Shows Andy with two sparkler fireworks, celebrating while Blake has her head in her hand in the background, ashamed by Andy's behavior]

Akon: and my dreams came true.

[Shows Akiva, in tophat, putting gold medals around Jorma's and Andy's necks, and they're standing under a big banner that says "SEX OLYMPICS"]

Akon: If you had sex in the last thirty minutes then you're qualified to sing with me.

People from all over the world: I just had sex...

Andy Samberg: Everybody sing!

Everyone: and it felt so good.

Akon: So good!

Everyone: A woman let me put my pen*s inside of her.

Jorma Taccone: I want to tell the world!

Everyone: I just had sex...
and I'll never go back...
to the not-having-sex ways of the past.

[Fireworks, including fireworks coming out of the crotches of Jorma, Akon, and Andy]




Anonymous said...

the italicised part is
"a soft, nice smelling girl's better"

and akon's "I wanna let me put my pen*s inside of her" should be "a woman let me put my pen*s inside of her"

The Animation Empire said...

Thanks Anony! I knew someone would catch it! =^)


Anonymous said...

on iTunes, this song is #7 on the top chart for singles! hopefully it can get to #1! i'm happy that so many people are supporting The Lonely Island!! :)

Popular Andy Samberg Posts - This Month

Tags (by frequency)

News_SNL_09 News_SNL_10 Images_07 Videos_FanMade_08 News_Web_09 News SNL 11 Videos_SNL_09-10 Videos SNL 2010-2011 Images_09 News_SNL_08 Videos_FanMade_09 Videos_Movies_07 Images_08 News_Web_08 Videos_FanMade_07 Videos_SNL_08-09 Videos SNL 2011-2012 News Movies 11 Photos 11 Videos_LonelyIsland News_Romance News_TV_09 MTV Movie Awards 09 News_Web_07 Videos_TV_09 Videos_Interviews_09 CD - Incredibad CD - Turtleneck and Chain Videos_SNL_07-08 Joanna Newsom Images_06 Audio Blog Updates News TV 11 Photos 10 Videos_SNL_06-07 Videos_TV_07 News_TV_10 Videos SNL Promos Videos_Live_07 Jorma Taccone Videos_SNL_05-06 News - Sitings 10 Text_Interviews_09 EDitorial_09 Ask Andy Samberg Blog EDitorial_08 News_Movies_07 News_Web_10 Movies - Donny's Boy MusicVideos_SNL News_Movies_08 News_Movies_10 Videos_TV_08 News_Movies_09 News_SNL_07 Text_Interviews_07 EDitorial_10 Videos Interviews 11 Featured Player Update Images_05 Products 09 Videos TV 11 Movies - I Hate You Dad News Web 11 Videos_Live_08 EDitorial 11 SNL Episodes 08-09 Akiva Schaffer Videos TV 10 Videos_Live_09 Digital Shorts 2010-2011 News - CDs Videos_Interviews_07 SNL Episodes 09-10 Videos_FanMade_06 News Sitings 11 News_Web_06 Hot Rod Images - Fan-Made Magazines MusicVideos_LonelyIsland Products 08 Videos Interviews 10 Digital Shorts 08-09 Digital Shorts 09-10 Text Interviews 11 Text_Interviews_08 Videos Web 11 Videos_Movies_08 Icons SNL Impressions Justin Timberlake Videogames Videos_Interviews_08 Digital Shorts 2011-2012 FAQ Videos_TV_06 EDitorial_07 News_CDs_09 News_SNL_06 Text Interviews 10 Videos Live 11 SNL Recap 07-08 Videos Weekend Update Videos_FanMade_10 Videos_Movies_09 Videos_TV_05 News SNL 12 SNL Statistics 08-09 Twitter Update thelonelyislandfan Animated GIF Classic Andy Comic Con 09 Drawings Images_04 SNL Recap 05-06 SNL Recap 08-09 SNL Recap 10-11 Videos - Justin Timberlake EDitorial 12 News TV 12 Studio News Videos Cold Open Videos_TV_04 Wallpapers Caption Andy Costumes Discussion Merchandise 11 Movies - Celeste and Jesse Forever News - Sitings 09 Products 10 Text_Interviews_06 Videos Fan-Made 11 Videos Movies 11 Videos_Live_06 Bill Hader Rokk Vodka SNL Lessons SNL Transcripts 08-09 Videos Movies 10 Videos_Live_10